Your Grace is Enough

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”

            2 CORINTHIANS 12:9

I usually don’t get too personal in these blog posts, maybe a couple times I have, and this is going to be one of those times (you have been forewarned). 

There are some things, in my opinion, that are not appropriate for the Internet.  Facebook relationship status updates for instance are completely absurd.  Since when is it real when it’s “Facebook Official” and not real when two people are simply in love?  I know today is Valentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day as some would call it.  It seems to me like Valentine’s Day has become more like open war between the head-over-heels-completely-in-love-couples and the desperate-eternally-alone-in-this-world-singles.  Expensive gifts, cards, and dinner on one hand, and a sappy chick-flick and a tub of chocolate ice cream in the other. 

This is probably an over simplification of the issue.  I am sure some people use the day for it’s purpose, couples can show their significant other their love in a special way, and singles can continue on knowing that they have the rest of their life to find that special someone, but it seems like most of society misses the point.  I don’t have a problem with Valentine’s Day.  If you’re in a healthy relationship, then go ahead and celebrate!  If you’re flying solo, embrace it (and read this).

Ok on to the point.  I’ve been feeling empty the last few months.  Not empty like I need family, or friends, or a boyfriend.  Just empty.  And I couldn’t figure out why.  I have a loving family that I can call and talk to for as long as I want, I have friends both near and far that I know are here for me, I don’t have a boyfriend but I also don’t feel like I need a boyfriend at this stage in my life, or more importantly that a boyfriend would fill that void.  So what?  Why am I feeling this way?  Why am I feeling so alone?

Moving to a city on the East Coast from a town in Alaska has been a challenge.  I grew up surrounded by trees and mountains, lakes and fresh air, not buildings and streets, trains and smog.  The culture is different as well.  The way of thinking is different.  Not bad, just different, and something I’ve had a hard time getting used to.  I want to go home.  I feel like I belong at home, and I feel like an outsider here. 

I don’t want to be too cynical.  I’m a part of Northeastern and I’m a part of Boston.  I have friends in my dorm and friends on the Ultimate Frisbee Team.  I volunteer with a great group of people in Science Club for Girls and Youth Enrichment Services (YES), and have met some amazing people through Lutheran Episcopal Campus Ministries (LECM).  This semester, for the first time probably, I feel like if I leave I’ll miss the people and activities here.  But I still feel empty.

Last weekend was the first weekend I stayed in Boston since returning here after Christmas break.  I’ve been filling my off days with skiing trips and trips to New York.  A break from the “go-go-go” should have been a nice chance to relax, right?  Not.  Here’s where I feel like I don’t fit in.  I don’t fit in to the party hard go crazy life in the city.  I don’t fit in to the drunken hook-ups on the weekends and hung-over Sunday mornings.  I don’t fit in to Beer Pong and Kings and Party Jenga.  I don’t fit in to the secular don’t talk about religion society.

I am lucky.  I grew up surrounded by people and friends who believe in God.  We don’t all have the same beliefs, but we all believe in something.  College works pretty hard to reject that mentality.  Talk about God is shoved down and held close, only among those you know you can trust not to judge you.  Church is an anomaly.

Saturday I went skiing with YES.  We went to Pico in Vermont, and despite the pathetically little snow it was a beautiful day and the conditions, though icy, warranted a good day of skiing.  I, along with a friend, “taught” a class of 8 and 9 year old boys.  Seven of them total barreling straight down the mountain with no consideration of instruction.  I would not call my first class a success, but I wouldn’t call it a disaster either.  The boys had fun and were better skiers at the end of the day then when they started. 

After the trip I went back to campus and ate dinner with my roommates and some other friends.  Earlier in the week I had gotten a Facebook event request from a girl I went to church with a few times last year.  The event was Unity Worship Night, a chance for all the Christian groups on campus to come together in worship.  I wasn’t planning on going, but back in my dorm with Scary Movie 2 blasting from the living room, I figured I didn’t have anything to lose.

So I went.  They started off with someone from each group coming to the front and introducing themselves and the group they were a part of.  I stood up for LECM.  A student spoke about being a Christian on campus, and then the gospel choir sang.  A praise band from Berkley was the main event, and they were Awesome.  As in Awe-Inspiring Awesome.  Praising God with all their heart, mind, and soul, and inspiring everyone in the room to do the same.

They shook off the weights of worry, of pain, of embarrassment, of frustrations, of hurt, of fear, of shame, of sadness, of emptiness… and filled the room with praise, love, comfort, and courage.

Music is so… healing.

And I am full of love, full of life! 

It takes courage.  Courage to get up each morning and serve the Lord in a society that rejects God.  It takes courage to invite people in; it takes courage to stand up for what you believe in.  It takes courage to talk to that new kid in your class; it takes courage to put your foot out there and hope for the best.  It takes courage to become a part of something and make yourself vulnerable; it takes courage that sometimes you don’t have. 

But you do, because God is here with us.   He is standing beside me, catching me when I fall, loving me unconditionally, and giving me strength to do all things.  He comes in the form of a smile on the face of a stranger, a kind word from a friend, a warm tingling in your heart, and you are never alone.

I left that room full.  Full to the brim and overflowing.  Knowing that the love of God fills me, strengthens me, heals me, holds me.  And I can do anything.

“Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me.

Your grace is enough, Heaven reaching down to us, Your grace is enough for me.

God I see your grace is enough, I’m covered in your love, Your grace is enough for me…”