Life is a Paradox

“What you will become is a matter of conjecture – the great lathe of circumstance is waiting to carve your career… Take time – consider.  You are the designer, you must select the pattern for your future.” – Herbert Kaufman

Yesterday I was called cliché…. So I may as well live up to the name and document what has been on my mind for the last few days. 

Senior year was a struggle for me, not gonna lie.  On top of the stress of a full course load, there were college and scholarship applications, activities and functions I was in charge of, and friendships that needed attention.  The entire year was focused on what is coming to the forefront now.  The pinnacle of my preparations is approaching, and I’m not the one leaving first. 

As I said earlier, this is cliché, so no one rag on me for this.  As thousand of others have done before me, as thousands will do after, as thousands are doing now… I am leaving the life I have known for 18 years and 11 months, and beginning anew, in a new place, with new people, in a new time.  I guess I’m a little nervous….

It’s strange really.  I have been looking forward to this for so long, telling myself that I am ready to leave, to live in a new place, and last night my first friend flew away*, and suddenly I’m not so certain anymore.  The realization of what this all means has finally smacked me in the face.

“It’s not the days we remember, it’s the moments.”  And the moments that stick are the ones that occurred with others around, shared with friends.  Reminiscing on high school, it pains me to realize that I missed out on an entire year with my best friend.  And now that you’re gone, it seems like it’s too late.  It all happened to quickly.  I haven’t had the courage to repair the broken friendship in a way that is truly mended, with nothing but distance between us, not hidden behind the façade of a text**.  I have no excuse, and I’m sorry.

To all of my friends, who have been so supportive and loving in the years I have known you… I will truly and whole-heartedly miss you.  This is a transition time for all of us, as we grow into the person God wants us to be.  It’s uncertain, trying, frightening, challenging, to find the True way amid a world of paths that all too easily will lead us astray.

As I said earlier, it’s the moments… standing next to a friend at 4 in the morning in knee deep water, casting yet again in the faith that there really ARE fish out there… sprinting into the end zone, snagging the Frisbee from the air right beneath the outstretched arm of your opponent….  walking the dog and feeling the crisp air blow through your hair while tasting the first signs of fall*** (yes, though it’s only August 11)… sharing thoughts with friends in the middle of the movie theater parking lot… The simple pleasures of life bring the most joy.

In the words of a dear friend (my shout out to Rachel)****, “Smile when you want to, cry when you need to, laugh whenever possible.”  And my own two cents…. Share that laughter with others, every chance that you get.

~Emily

*Not counting Rachel, who left in June.

**What has become of this society that a phone call is now archaic?  The joy in answering a phone and realizing, it’s for you! Has now all but almost disappeared. 

***I am very happy about this.

****Who honestly I think found this on the back of a Dove chocolate wrapper…